


Silver Shackles

by Scott Elren (Ohmygod_Renny)



Series: A Separate Peace Oneshots [2]
Category: A Separate Peace - John Knowles
Genre: Angst, Boys In Love, Finny is very forward, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gene is oblivious, Love Poems, M/M, Poems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 21:25:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14246076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohmygod_Renny/pseuds/Scott%20Elren
Summary: In which Phineas desperately needs Gene's approval, but is completely denied by his oblivious roommate. Also, both boys are surprisingly invested in writing love poems.





	Silver Shackles

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my favorite prompt I've written so far, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to post it! Please enjoy :)

" _The color of desire_  
 _No soft pink or violent red_  
 _But sharply seeking, lovely brown_  
 _Beckons me to fall again_  
 _Despairingly into your gaze_  
 _The desperate want_  
 _Euphoria_."  
I nearly choke on my drink. My eyes dart up to meet Finny's, which are just as mischievous as ever. He's holding a piece of paper, the one with the poem written on it.  
"You wrote this?" I say, more like a statement that a question. For a moment, I consider the feeling behind it. It seems almost too gentle-- too flowery-- for someone like Phineas.   
"Yes! Don't you love it? I hope you do."   
"It is very well written. But, you said it's-- it's-- I thought you--"  
Finny laughs in response to my stuttering. The poem is nice and all, but...  
"What? It's just like I told you. I wrote it for you!" He says, setting the poem face-up on my desk, then skips right out of the room like a schoolgirl. I'm left speechless in his wake, reading and re-reading the few lines in search of some sort of inside joke, scanning each letter for some ulterior motive, analyzing every word in the confidence that they were insincere.   
There was no way Finny would write this for me. It's just impossible. Somebody else must have put him up to it. Probably Brinker or Bobby.   
Or, maybe, Finny just wants to confuse me more. He knows this will break my concentration for the rest of the day and damage my overall grades. It's just his plan. But if that was true... how did Phineas know about my feelings?  
 _Am I really that obvious? Am I really tripping over myself to get a look of those crystal green eyes like girls do in fairytales? Am I so completely, truly desperate enough that even Finny can see it?_  
 _And, by order of reason, this means that Phineas is also willing to exploit my weakness for his own personal gain. It's disgusting. He's really that sick, isn't he? I can't love someone like that._   
So I settle back into my chair with the comfort of knowing that I no longer care.

But I do.

Every time I pass him in the hall that day, my cheeks heat up, and I can see the soft pink reflection in the surrounding windows. It's embarrassing, but even more so when Finny's mouth turns up into a smirk at the sight of my blushing. I'm mortified when he turns around in class to see me staring at the back of his head, where a crescent smile and phlegmatic gaze then meets my eyes. I panic. I never thought a cruel joke could make me flunk a test, but it does.   
And then, the next day, I'm doomed to begin it all again.   
"Now, tell me what you think of this one:  
 _Rationing feelings_  
 _Disappear_  
 _Silver shackles_  
 _Fleeting_  
 _A spark_  
 _Flames ignite my passion_  
 _A longing_  
 _Burning_  
 _Crushing cacophony_   
_And a new petit mort_  
 _Begs me to fall deeper._  
"This one was a little less literal, but I don't know if the tone was right."  
"Hmm," I manage to say behind a mask of serenity, hiding the heavy pounding of my heart. "It's much more symbolic."  
"Do you like it?"  
"I suppose. It _is_ beautiful. And who might this one be for? _Leper_?" I say jokingly, though my own words fill me with jealousy. I pray that it's not for Leper. Finny gives me a quizzical look, as if I had confessed I was a Nazi.   
"Do you _want_ it to be for Leper?" He says, everything in his voice halts my breathing instantly. He sounds uneasy, or sad, or anxious, or something hurt (I'm never good at reading people), but I know that it's because of what I said.   
Now, I contemplate my options:  
A) Say yes  
B) Say no  
It doesn't seem that difficult at first, but I realize that it's not as simple as that.   
_If I say yes, I could save my reputation_ _and end this once and for all-- no more_ _poems. But, if I say no, I'll confirm what_ _I'm sure Phineas already suspects. If he's_ _just joking, I'll--_   
"You're right. This was a stupid idea, anyways. Sorry I bothered you." Finny says stiffly. Every ounce of excitement has left his face, replaced with a dreary compliance, tearing through my thoughts like a bullet.   
It was sobering to see him like that, letting go of the poem. It flutters down to the floor, a paper butterfly left behind as an angel walks out of the room.   
I tell myself this is what I wanted. Things can go back to normal.

But they can't.

"Finny."  
He doesn't even look my way as he pulls his shirt off. It's been almost a full day since I last spoke to him. He ignored me at ever chance I had gotten to be within twenty feet of him.   
"I want to talk."  
Nothing.   
"About the poems."  
He doesn't even blink.   
"Alright, just listen...  
 _Falling flat_  
 _Your smile disappears_  
 _My heart pounds_  
 _And now, all my fear_  
 _Resonates_  
 _Drawing lonely tears_  
 _Realizing_  
 _All I need is you._ "  
And for once, the air feels clear. It's not clouded in lies as I hold my piece of paper out for Phineas to take.   
"What do you think?" I ask nervously.   
He slowly walks over, accepting the crumpled-up mess that I wrote for him. For Finny. I wait for a response that never comes, lost in a kiss worth a thousand words. It's desperate, and passionate, and real, and it's everything I've ever wanted, and I know that Phineas feels the same way.

And I'm free.


End file.
